Switch
by wit4hire
Summary: What if Bella Swan were the vampire, rather than the Cullens? Well, we are about to find out. Follow this tale where the roles are switched around while the characters remain the same. Bella/Alice.
1. Chapter 1

The horror of the bloody scene before me was almost too much to bear. My mind, capable of processing so much was struggling with handling the massacre I had become an unfortunate witness to. Headless bodies were strewn about, while a bonfire crackled, the missing heads used as the food of the flame. I could still hear the screeching of my coven as their minds were introduced to pain by Jane, my fiercest rival of our vampire world, ever since shortly after our turning. She and Alec joined the Volturi, where as I did not. She has hunted down and killed every member of every coven I have been a part of since and always leaves me alive to deal with the loss.

She had Demetri and Felix with her, plus a few extra guard members whom I did not recognize. My coven members, Raymond, Luce, Rebecca and Simon, were outnumbered and I could not protect all of their minds from Jane, making it easy for her to pick them off. A growl escaped my lips, starting as a low rumble in my core but then erupted as an ear splitting screech. I had felt that they had become my friends, almost my family, just as I had with all those before them. I told myself each time that I would not grow attached, but it was never within my spectrum of control.

My eyes burned, aching to let tears that would never come, fall. My eyes, normally a light amber color, were pitch back and I could feel the rage inside me. I needed to get away, far away, where they would never find me. Demetri could not track me, thanks to my shielded mind, but I needed outrun them. Jane wanted to torture me, but it had to be mental and emotional. Physical torture would not suffice. So, she would let me run, but she would have my movements tracked.

I forced my body to move, slowly and surely, until I was mere inches from her, our eyes locked together. "One of these days, I will kill you and rid this world of your twisted self." A smile spread across her lips, her fangs gleaming beneath her pale lips. "You say that every time. But the count now comes to what, seven wins on my side? Zero on yours? Yes, I believe that is right." I snap my teeth together in rage, the sound cracking through the air. "This is not some game. You are killing people all because I did not join your merry band of rulers. Enough."

With that I was running, moving faster than any human eye could see, racing cross country, searching for a new place to call home. I did make the occasional stop, gathering certain information, trails of contacts that would get me what I needed. It was another week before I walked into the little town of Forks, Washington, following a tip I got from an old friend. The house I stopped at was cozy looking, notable mainly for the police cruiser parked in the drive. Without a moment's hesitation, I walked up the front step, using one knuckle to carefully knock. I easily heard the grumbles from within – something about "blasted visitors disrupting my game". It appeared the Bears were playing the Vikings and it was a close game.

The door opened to reveal a middle aged man with an air of social awkwardness. He eyed me for no more than a second before I heard his heart rate jump and he almost shouted "Bella, it is you!" a wide grin on his face. "Charlie - good to see you again. Sorry for interrupting your game." He shook his head, dismissing my words, and motioned for me to come inside. I stepped into his home, knowing full well the danger I was putting him in. I felt there was a chance I had lost them in Vegas, but I could never be sure. But he was also aware of the danger and still welcomed me.

We proceeded to take seats in his living room, where he actually managed to pause the game to speak to me. "So," he began, his tone very inquisitive, "what brings you here?" A solemn smile tugged at my lips. "I need a place to stay for a while. The rest is a bit more on the you-should-not-know-for-your-safety side." He nodded, holding up his hands as if to say he was good not knowing. "It is good to see you. How is your grandfather holding up? I have not seen him in a long time."

Charlie's awkward smile faded away. "Your nephew passed away a few years back," he informed me, catching me a little off guard. I dropped my human act, becoming completely rigid and unmoving, not even blinking for a few minutes as I felt a wall of sadness blast through me. I had not been there to say goodbye. Finally taking a large, unneeded breath, I spoke. "I see. Well, tell me some good news about our family then."

Charlie gave me what was as close as I imagined he could get to a sympathetic smile and said, "Well, I have a daughter now. She is going on eighteen soon." That brought a conclusion to my moment of sorrow. "Really? What is her name?" Charlie grinned. "I named her after you – Bella Swan." My naturally perfect bell-like laugh rang through the room. "Really? Oh, how sweet. I wish to meet her some time. Whenever she next visits, perhaps." I could tell she did not reside in his home, for his scent was the only prominent one. Charlie nodded, agreement clearly written in his expression.

That brought the closing of our catching up and we moved on to business. "Well, do you have a story planned for coming here?" I nodded, having prepared during the week of running. "I am the child of an old, but now deceased friend who had mentioned you in legal documents and until I am of age, I must have a legal guardian, with you fitting the bill and agreeing. Thus here I am, with most of my possessions having been destroyed in the fire that killed my father, your friend, and my mother."

He shook his head, clearly thinking it was an overly dramatic story that would likely bring lots of questions. "Daughter of your sister who went abroad for work. I needed a family member to stay with until she gets back." He gave a nod of approval.

"You do realize that you will be going to school then, right?" My hiss was automatic and I quickly recovered. "You are joking. You want _me_ to go to school?" Charlie shrugged, a smug grin on his face. "That is what people _your age_ do. And if you want to stay here, you have to go to school." I glowered at him, but could not really be intimidating to my own family member. "I could make you let me stay here, minus the school going."

He chortled, shaking his head. "You don't scare me, dear. I know you don't kill humans." I let a small rumble rise in my throat. "I think you misunderstand. I do not eat humans; that does not mean I never kill them." I huffed, playfully, but had already resigned to the idea. Who knows, it might be fun. It had to have changed since last I had been schooled. "Then, welcome home, Bella."


	2. Chapter 2

Assimilation into the human culture is rather intriguing. I am already capable of acting human, having learned to do so centuries ago. Charlie had given me a room of my own, which was where I was supposed to "sleep". That first night I became jaded within an hour of sitting on my bed, but decided to take the night to hunt, to get ready for the never-ending temptation of my first day at high school. The next morning I was amused to find out that it had actually been the weekend, a time where schools were closed and most people had off work and thus a useless act. Now, I know the days of the week; they were around when I still had to pay attention. But years of it not mattering makes one forget which day it is.

So, that Sunday we spent the day getting everything legalized, as in making sure I had a legitimate birth certificate, courtesy of a friend of the family, Charlie managed to convince the school administration of my story and I was accepted to attend, and all other possible records were forged. I also memorized certain aspects of human society, including holidays, slang, the Presidents that the average teenager would remember, modern music and literature, and technology. Of all of them, I find that I really struggle with technology. Last I paid attention, the car, telephone and light bulb had been invented. Oh, and the first color tv. Laptops, Ipods, plasma tvs, and cell phones? They were way over my head, but by the end of the day, I was beginning to get the hang of them.

Next on my list was shopping for supplies. Charlie went with me so that I was not entirely lost, but then we seemed lost together. With the useless fortune I have collected over the years, I purchased clothes, school materials, a cell phone, books and CDs, just everything you could imagine. Charlie showed me his credit card, just another piece of technology that escaped me (apparently we would convert my fortune into credit to pay him back or something like that). I almost felt exhausted by the time night came around. We spent hours going over my story, get the details drilled into each other's head. That night I spent mastering the internet and my Ipod, while listening to my new collection of CDs, mainly Lady Gaga, reading the Harry Potter series, watching part of the first Season of LOST and the movie Titanic. Charlie had said that those were the things I should know about, but it was a very scattered collection. I knew I would have many nights to come learning all about various "in" things.

The next morning came all too quickly. I was in the middle of memorizing the positions of keys on a keyboard when Charlie's alarm went off. Glancing at the digital clock that had been placed on my nightstand, I noticed that it was 6:01. I had just under an hour and a half to get to school. I glanced over the screen, skimming over my recollection of everything from where my coven was killed to when Charlie accepted me into his home. It was satisfactory and left off at a good spot, I felt. Sighing, I placed the laptop aside, making my way to my closet. The entire thing smelled of cotton because people, especially teenagers, do not seem to appreciate the quality of silk or fur. I shook my head and retrieved the most appealing shirt and pants. They were surprisingly tight fitting and oddly alluring. I felt almost narcissistic as I stared at myself in the mirror for minutes.

The smell of human food brought me out of my trance and I flew down the stairs, sitting myself at the kitchen table. "Morning Charlie." When I got my desired yelp, I grinned, unable to resist. "Bella, you shouldn't be doing that. I am not a little kid anymore. My heart might give out." He was panting, his heart-rate quite elevated. "Your heart sounds fine. You still have a lot of fright-ability left in you." He turned to me, a glower on his face and raised his eyebrow in question. "Fright-ability?" He chuckled and turned back to his breakfast, shaking his head. "That is not even a real word," he grumbled.

I continued to smirk behind his back, but did change the subject. "So, dear great-nephew of mine who clearly knows the English language better than I, how am I getting to school today?" Charlie stiffened noticeably and clearly had not thought about it. "I could just run there, you know." Silence filled the room for a moment but was finally broken by a sigh from Charlie. "No, I will bring you there in my cruiser. We will have to get you a car of your own soon." I nodded, even though he could not see me. "You better hurry then; would not want to be late." I paused, sniffed the air and cringed. "And don't drink that milk."

With that I went back upstairs, gathering together my backpack and slipped my brand new Converse sneakers on. Was I ready? Physically, mentally and emotionally, yes. Socially, I was lost. Humans are interested in things that don't matter. I swear, I have no idea how they survive, but none of them think of the future or anything aside from looking good, the latest gossip, getting in with their crush or what other people thought of them. Trivial things. Useless things. When I was human, I did not go to a school house; my mother schooled me, with the help of a local scholar who took an interest in me. I strived to be educated, to get a leg up in life. I was not prepared for the teenagers of the present.

The instant Charlie's cruiser pulled up in front of the school, whispers were already circulating. It started as "what are the police doing here?" but soon evolved to "who is the babe?" or "who is the girl?" depending on the gender of the speaker and to whom the question was directed. I also heard an assortment of ideas disseminate; everything from me being a convict who needed to be forced to go to school to me being a rich kid who could be targeted and needed an escort to school. It was fascinating, listening to it all, hearing their imaginations at work.

I stepped out of the car, effortlessly swinging my backpack over my shoulder despite the array of textbooks and notebooks Charlie had retrieved for me. "Remember," Charlie called from the front seat, ducking down so he could see me passed the frame of the door, "you are related to me, so you are a bit of a klutz." I chuckled. "Brilliant. Way to make my life simple," I ridiculed, not unkindly. "Bye now," I said, giving him a small wave before turning towards the school building.

As I entered the building, I noticed the office that had the sign "Main Office" hung on the door. As Charlie had instructed, I went there first. The lady at the desk did not appear to like she wanted to talk to me, but called me over all the same. "What can I do for you?" she asked in a snooty tone. She gave me a one over, eyebrow raised as if she disliked something about me. I had to contain a growl as I responded. "Hi, yes, um…" I began, repeating the words Charlie had fed me. "I am the new student, uh, Bella Swan." The woman did a double take. "Oh, Officer Swan's new move-in! Such a sweet man he is. Here is your class schedule. The times for lunch are on it, if you need anything, people are real friendly." She handed me a page with my classes on it. "Thank you, ma'am."

Although I knew there was someone behind me, practically breathing down my neck, I acted like I didn't, turning and bumping into them. The girl and I exchanged our apologies but then I was assaulted by a whirlwind of questions. "So, you are new here? Bella Swan, right?" Two nods from me. "Well, what classes do you have? Do you want me to show you around?" I handed over my sheet, nodding once again, in response to her fourth question. "I could use a tour, yes." That received a wide grin from the girl. "Cool. My name is Jessica, by the way."

Jessica led me out into the hall, where her barrage of inquiries continued. I listed off my practiced answers while following her through the halls and into the cafeteria, where our tour seemed to end. She had us sit at a table in the center of the room, where absolutely everyone could see us. We were soon joined by Mike, whom Jessica clearly had a thing for, but who clearly within twenty seconds had a thing for me. I was forced to repeat my story, for Mike, and then a few minutes later for Eric and Angela. We had grouped up and I could hear the people around us whisper.

While I paid attention to the conversation which had digressed to being about CSI, which did not fall into the topics I knew, I began to assess my temptation status. At that moment it seemed I was doing fairly well, no one being extra appearing, but I found myself getting comfortable a moment too early. In one big blast, a mess of extremely appetizing scents washed over me. I turned to locate the source of the fragrance, my gaze stopping on five particular humans.

This group of humans were tantalizing, moving together, magnifying the scents as they combined together. I watched them as they sat themselves at a secluded table, silently. Behind me, Mike sighed. "Those are the Cullens. They were all adopted by Dr. Cullen and his wife." Carlisle? I could not help but chuckle. To think I would run into Carlisle in a tiny town like Forks and with adopted humans, especially ones that smelled so scrumptious. "Emmett is the hulking one. Jasper is the blonde one. Rosalie is his blood sister. They were adopted together. Alice is the small one. And the other one is Edward." Mike practically spat Edward's name. I scanned over them. They were all gorgeous, but I could not figure out why Carlisle would adopt them. I know he is a caring soul, but to adopt humans? They had to know about him and Esme.

A bell rang and everyone began to rise from the tables, scattering to different areas of the building, some even going to another building. I looked down at my schedule. "Anyone want to tell me how to get to Calculus?" Jessica pointed me in the right direction and I was on my way, finding myself heading in the same direction as the human Mike had called Alice. Figuring I would get to know Carlisle's humans, I approached her.

Alice was definitely small, pixie-like, her hair cropped short in wild disarray. As I got close I got a good whiff of her and was sent reeling. She was intoxicating, forcing me to not breathe so that I did not kill her. Readying myself, I called out to her. "Hey, um, do you- do you know where Mrs. Coolidge's room is?" She glanced my way, pointing at herself questioningly. I nodded. "Uh, yeah, I have that class now," she chirped. "You are new?" I nodded again. "Well, come on."

We reached the classroom and I introduced myself to the teacher, explaining my situation. "Welcome, Bella. You can sit-" she scanned for open desks. It appeared that luck was on my side. "There." She pointed to the one open seat, which happened to be paired with Alice's seat. I took my seat, dropping my bag beneath my chair and pulling out my books.

I held my hand out to the human, for a moment forgetting that it would be colder than hers. "Hello again. My name is Bella. And you are?" She took my hand, gasping at its feel, making me pull away. "Alice. Nice to meet you." Silence fell between us. I was never one for small talk and by the looks of it, her family stayed away from others, by their doing or everyone else's. So, having little knowledge of what calculus was, I flipped through the pages of the text book, taking in what I could.

I made it through class with no hitches and as I packed up I got a "goodbye" from Alice. The next classes followed the same basic pattern, but it seemed I only had class with Alice and Edward. I had biology with him, but did not manage to sit next to him. When school ended, I called Charlie, informing him that I would not be in need of a ride and that I would see him that night. I tracked the Cullens' cars to their home. I planned on paying Carlisle a long overdue visit.


	3. Chapter 3

Humans move with excessive dawdling, I swear. It felt like eternities were passing as I waited for Carlisle's humans to even enter the house. I debated going in before them, but considering the length of time since last I had seen Carlisle, it would be best to have leverage in the case of him going against his peaceful nature. So, when the humans entered the house, I treaded lightly over the ground between my original location and the door.

As expected from Carlisle, or any vampire his age, the door opened the instant I was close enough for my breath to touch it. "Bella Swan," he welcomed, standing aside so that I could enter. "Why don't you come in?" I accepted his invitation, moving at human speed into his home. Esme joined us, a characteristically trusting and accepting smile on her face. "Charlisle, Esme, it has been a while," I greeted, hoping we could just fall back into our friendship.

I sensed the humans approaching and my eyes flicked to the hallway and the questions poured out of me, too fast and at too high of a pitch for a human to hear, let alone understand. "Do they know?" Charlisle sighed, but affirmed it. "Have they ever met others?" When he said 'no' I chuckled. They were approaching quickly, for humans, and I could smell Alice in the lead. "Do you wish us to talk elsewhere?"

Carlisle nodded and I followed him without hesitation outside and then through a window that appeared to lead to his study. As soon as we had solid footing, Carlisle was in front of me, staring me down. "Can we trust you?" he questioned and I could hear the panic in his voice. I shrugged. "It is not like I am going to go to the Volturi." He nodded, understanding my situation. I had almost joined him years ago, after I had lost one of my covens. "Plus, you know I am one of the few of our kind who share in your philosophy of humanity. Give me credit." Relief was beginning to color his expression.

Just as Esme joined us, I asked the question that truly lingered in my mind. "So why _are _they in your company?" I was expecting Carlisle to explain, but, instead, Esme spoke up. "Everyone wishes for what they can't have. Giving birth is an impossibility, so we adopted."

That was logical enough but still very reckless. I ended up chuckling, not knowing how else to react. "How do you resist with them in the house?" _Especially Alice_. It was Carlisle's turn to shrug. "Practice and the knowledge that they are family in every sense but blood."

"I suppose you are right. Charlie is family and I could never kill him." I could see that it was true. When one had a true connection to a human, it was far easier to resist the natural temptation. "So, how long do you plan to try to keep this a secret? Others are bound to find out and unlike me, they won't be as empathetic, or even sympathetic."

Both Carlisle and Esme looked rather saddened. "We don't know how long it will last. We were hoping to play parents for a few years, but-" I finished for him, seeing how much trouble he was having. "But once a human knows, they are either killed or changed, and death is far more likely. I know. I deal with the same issue every time I tell the next family member. But even though I tell them, I want them to live a normal human life. But it can never happen."

The room filled with silence, nobody breathing or moving. Carlisle eyed me quizzically. "Why do you always cling to the members of your family? They don't even realize that although you act younger, you are not even close to being their great-aunt anymore. You were changed with Jane and Alec, so your blood connection to them is all but gone by now."

An automatic hiss left my lips at the mention of Jane, but I looked away, my hands forming tight fists. "I miss my dear brother and I see him in his descendants. It may be a long line from where he was alive, but they make it so that I do not forget him, my reason for clinging to my humanity." It dawned on me that there was no way that Carlisle did not know that Charlie was Alden's descendant. My eyes flashed back up to them, unable to hide my discomfort. I licked my lips, a habit I had never let go of. "Why _did_ you choose Forks as the town of your human charade?"

Both remained silent and I could feel they wished to exchange looks, but just kept their eyes on me. "You wanted me to find out about them, didn't you? Why?"

Esme approached me, reaching for my hands, taking them into her own. My eyes narrowed, looking into hers. "Don't tell me you want me to help you. I can't join you." Esme shook her head. "Dear, you can. You need a family just as much as we do. The covens you have joined up until now have been human-blood feeders. You need a family you can feel you truly belong to."

My gaze flashed to Carlisle. "This is one of your "everyone needs to find a mate" type ploys. You cannot fix my problems and I will not put you in danger." A growl rose in my throat, originating from the core of my chest. "Don't tell me they are adopted because you hope I will choose one of them."

Esme dropped my hands, a saddened look on her face. Carlisle was stern. "No, that is not why we adopted them." I snarled. "Do not lie to me! Why me? What is it about me that you feel it is your duty to fix?" I paused. "What is it that you expect from me?"

"Bella, we feel connected to you. We want you to join our family, to be happy. It is hard seeing you in pain. We adopted them because we wanted children, not to be your mate choices. The chance that your mate would be among them is close to nil. Think about it." Carlisle was always so calm and logical, and I was agitated that I had made those awful assumptions.

"Then you want me to join your family? What would I be to these humans of yours?" Charlisle and Esme exchanged grins. "Their sister."


	4. Chapter 4

I glared into the mirror that stood next to the closet in my room at Charlie's house. My eyes were becoming steadily dark as I stared, still as stone, into my own reflection. To think I could still find myself so surprised, so thrown off guard. Charlisle and Esme were rashly trying to throw together this plan to get me to join their coven, presumably because of their overly caring natures.

I had been unable to comprehend their proposal. They were offering me siblings and a family, and the concept was easy enough to understand, but the risks were immeasurable. For not only the two of them, but these humans who had not real connection to any of us. And a family with humans was an unheard of thing to begin with.

Them, siblings? Admittedly, I liked the idea of having siblings. That was the sole reason I held onto Charlie and the many that came before him. I could always see a hint of Alden in all of them. But this, what they had in mind, was taking everything _twenty_ steps too far. The humans were just random humans! There was no way I could form a bond with them the way I could form one with Charlie, right?

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of an unfamiliar car pulling into the drive. I listened intently, searching for any sign of hostility. I was a little on high alert. Moments later there was a knock on the door and with Charlie not home, I was obligated to answer it. I took a soothing breath, hearing a heartbeat, at least.

Zipping down the stairs, I opened the door to be assaulted by a barrage of mouthwatering scents. Alice Cullen stood before me, a shy smile on her face. "Is Chief Swan here?" she asked. I shook my head to avoid using my breath in speaking. "Oh, well, I have something for him and it is imperative that I hand deliver it as soon as possible."

Sighing briskly, she continued. "Alright, I have said my lines. Now, you should move aside so that I can come in." It was clear that Carlisle had sent her, but she was taking an initiative that I was having trouble following. My brows furrowed and I cocked my head to one side. "I don't think I will. I am not entirely comfortable with the idea."

Alice sighed deeply, slumping her shoulders, as if in defeat. "I can't believe you are making me do this." She stepped in close to me, slipping in passed my arms, which were holding the door and its frame. She slipped her hands around my waist, pulling herself into my body. I froze, my breathing stopping automatically, with an abrupt suck. "So I do smell really good, don't I? Wow." My eyes widened, but I did not move otherwise.

"But-" She brought our faces entirely too close, and even though she was moving in a human slow motion, I still could not seem to dodge he advances. "How do I taste?" She brought her lips in contact with mine and for that one human second, my world seemed to change, to evolve in front of my eyes, but came crashing down when I parted my lips and took a breath in. The taste was mind blowing, sweet and oh so good. I could feel my tongue hesitantly reach forward.

I shot backwards, out of her arms and came in contact with the far wall. She beamed. "Much better." She stepped into Charlie's house, closing the door behind her. "Come, let's take a seat in the living room." She found her way to the living room, while I did not move. "Are you really going to remain plastered to that wall?"

I blinked and was released from my paralysis. I followed her into the living room, sinking into the seat furthest from hers. "How?" was the only word I managed to pass between my lips, which were still blown away by the softness of hers.

She shrugged. "I am going to assume you want to know how I figured it out. Well, I saw you track us to go meet with Carlisle. Humans could not do that." I eyed her, looking for nonexistent signs of her lying. "What do you mean you 'saw' me?"

Another shrug. "Oh, that. I can get visions of the future based on the decisions of the present. When you decided to track us, I saw you talking to Carlisle." I had heard of humans having skills like these, but this was amazing. To have such an acute power that allowed her to see the future as a human, I could only imagine how it would be amplified as a vampire.

"Alright, so you know what I am, but that begs the question of: how are you not afraid and why would bring yourself so recklessly close, like you did at the door?" She giggled. It was a bell-like sound, akin to what a lot of vampires sounded like, but more natural, with hints of beautiful imperfection. "Silly, would someone who could see the future walk to her death?"

"But you can't possibly see everything," I countered, a little squeak to my voice. She giggled again and I felt myself becoming entrance by the sound. "I see enough." She acted as if she were sitting across from a kitten and not a blood sucking monster that could rip her apart in seconds. "Do you understand that you are in so much danger at this moment?"

She shook her head. "You seem harmless to me." Her expression was almost wicked and yet I could see impish nature that willed me to play with her. I could not understand it, but I believed her, believed that she was entirely in control of the situation, but at the same time, as I was drawn into her game, I wanted to overcome her challenge.

"Really?" She nodded, her impish grin widening. "I will have to convince you otherwise than." Little did I know, but those who see the future rarely, if ever, lose. When she blinked, I flashed across the room, standing before her. She stood, looking up into my eyes, daring me to follow through with my defiance. I held her gaze for a moment before my hand shot up, catching her chin forcing her head to cock to the side, exposing her bare neck. She put up no resistance, nullifying much of the intimidation of my strength.

I leaned in, my noise hovering over the flesh between her neck and shoulder, my lips spreading hungrily. As they pressed against her warm skin, I found myself hyper sensitive to my hunger. "You do realize, I could drain you right here." I felt her shoulders move in a shrug. "I really don't think you can."

A growl rose in my chest, but I ended up pushing her down into the couch and away from myself. I knew things could get out of control if we had stayed in that position much longer. Her taste lingered on my lips and I licked them subconsciously. There was a strange shift in my desires and it really confused me. I realized at that moment that I was hungering for her and not her blood. What was going on?

"Well, you are still alive," I mumbled.

She grinned up at me from her seated position. "I knew I would be." This girl, could she see the plans that were already forming in my head to get closer to her? Would she be able to see my intentions, guess my desires? My mind was flying about, trying to determine how to avoid such knowledge coming into her possession, keep her ignorant to my feelings. I was already scared of my feelings, unsure what they were, but cursing the idea of falling for a human. Could that really be what was going on?

"So-" I talked to avoid making decisions. "Who else knows, about me?"

She shook her head, solemn. "Just me." It was strange how my undead heart felt like it was fluttering at her words. It was such a simple thing and yet I felt as if it was a secret just we two knew.

"Hmmm, well, if you could keep it that way, it would be much appreciated." She nodded, a warm smile coloring her expression.

"So, dear human, do you mind teaching me how to use the, uh, internet? It really escapes me." She burst into laughter, which was contagious, drawing me into a fit as well. "Sure, dear vampire."


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay, so I will say that I really did not like my last chapter. It feels WAY too rushed and just kind of out of place. I wrote it at like 4 AM and then proceeded to post it at 4 AM rather than waiting til morning where I could look over it and be like "whoa, way too fast there Speedy Gonzales!" Anyway, I did post it, so I am not going to take it back. That would be way too confusing for me and possibly quite confusing for you guys. So, it will stay. It will serve as a wedge that drives conflict into Bella's mind, but nothing more. I am not going to go BAM! straight into the mushy stuff. So, if that was what you were hoping for, I apologize, but I am going to try to lay down Alice's character a lot more and also some sort of a plot before I throw the two of them together… wish me luck, right? Well, here goes.**

**Also, ps, there is some math babble in this chapter. If you don't know anything about calculus, ignore the babble, since it will not make sense. It is not important to the story.**

An argument with yourself is the hardest one to fight. When you think about it, _if _you think about it (like me), you have accepted both sides of the argument, because if you hadn't, you would not be having the argument. Now some of you may be thinking "but Bella, what if you don't agree with one of the choices, but others tell you that it could be the right one?" Well, in that case, you have accepted the "right choice" as an arguable choice. The fact that you did not dismiss it means you accept that there is a possibility that it is the best choice.

My argument, as it would have it, was and is very complicated. The argument circled around this idea of vulnerability. Do I allow myself to be vulnerable so that I have the _chance_ of getting the things my heart truly desires or do I make myself cold and numb and thus safe, but at the same time miserable. Safety is a tempting thing, always desired by those who believe themselves weak and incapable of dealing with the hardships that may follow that vulnerable state.

I admit, I am weak-hearted. I have opened up, found a family and then watched as it got ripped apart. I have settled, laid down roots and then watched as they burned. And because of this, vulnerability is not something I am running to grasp ahold of. But, at the same time, if one does not take risks, if one does not open themselves up to the possibilities, one will not find what one desires, even if they do not know what it is that they desire.

For me, I was constantly debating taking Carlisle up on his offer. I wanted a family, true enough, and a human family would add to me feeling like I still have a grasp on my humanity, but the risks were outrageous. A vampire coven was hard to protect, but a human one? They are like babies, incapable of knowing when there is danger or how to avoid it. Easy pickings, they are.

Allowing myself to become emotionally attached to humans could be devastating. But the key word was "could". It could be devastating or it could be marvelous. So, what do I do? Answers never seem to come right to me.

I was not about to just run away from Forks. No, I would throw up my walls and muscle through this. That is my default reaction to most situations. But walls reduce vulnerability, so in a sense, temporarily I had both made a decision and left things open at the same time. I was trying out one possible choice, the easier of my two main choices, if you did not count running, which I for one did not count.

I still desired and ultimately needed to rest and spend time with Charlie, whom was family to me. I was sick of running, even if it kept me safest. So, if we were to put this all on a scale, running was one extreme, the side where I was least vulnerable. Let's call that a "One". On the other extreme, I had the choice of taking up Carlisle's offer, becoming totally and completely vulnerable and hoping for the best to come out of it. Let's call that a "Ten". At about a "Three or Four" was my "I will stay in Forks and see what happens, while I make every effort to not become attached to anyone" plan.

Well, it may seem like a simple enough plan, but that sucker took me hours to settle upon. Because, with the way scales work, there are many options between the two extremes. I toiled over the many ideas, being consumed by the many possibilities, that I don't even recall going to hunt beyond having made a semiconscious decision to do it. The instant Alice was out the door, after having spent a few hours teaching me all about Google and Facebook and Itunes and whatever else it is I learned about, I racked my mind trying to find a solution.

I had enjoyed our time together and that already posed a problem to my plan. Alice is a sweet girl with a bubbly, energetic personality. She informed me that she did not constantly get visions of the future, but got blankets of information each time she had one. She did have one in my presence, actually, and I was quite surprised when she seemed to go comatose and blank for about five minutes. She had been explaining why I should make a Facebook profile when all of a sudden, mid-sentence, it was like the lights went off inside her brain. We had been sitting cross-legged, next to each other on my bed, when she froze, her upper body dropping to the covers.

As she lay there, I was confronted by many things. First was the desire to help. I could not complete this task, but I could at least try to wake her, for I had no clue she was having a vision. I placed my laptop aside, moving so that I was looking down at her, calling her name softly as I shook her shoulder. That was when the next thing hit me. There she lay, completely defenseless, on my bed no less. But in that, I found myself having no desire at all to defile her fragile being. I tried calling to her again. "Ali-" Her eyes flew open and she gasped, sitting up, using my stony shoulder for support.

"You really need to make _some_ kind of decision." That one statement set off the whole fiasco in my mind that held my undivided attention. "Everything is so blurry right now." She held her head in her hands, a pained look on her face, her eyes tightly shut. Silence had filled the room. I wanted to tell her "believe me, I know," but I remained speechless.

She left not long after that and Monday fell into Tuesday, my mind racing and entirely unsettled. The morning came too quickly for my liking and Charlie even commented on my unusual slow movement around the house and lack of cheery disposition. I waved off his prying, but knew I had to turn things around if wanted to avoid others questioning me.

School started similarly to the day before, minus the tour. I was pulled back into Jessica's group, not entirely upset about it, seeing as they were easy enough to talk to, or avoid talking to. They were all chatty people, aside from perhaps Angela who generally was softer spoken, and each liked the attention that came with their verbal engagements. They rarely asked my opinion on any matter, preferring to remain at the center of the conversation, each trying to appeal to some part of another.

I watched their interaction, finding myself distracted from my own predicament. It seemed that Jessica was trying to appeal to Mike, who seemed to want to appeal to me, the poor guy, while Angela and Eric were both trying to appeal to each other without noticing they had affections for each other. It was intriguing to watch, but I found myself wishing I could find myself in that sort of situation, where I was trying to appeal to another. It worried me, this yearning that I kept noticing.

A bell rang and I my movements were automatic as I made my way to calculus. I took my seat, rummaging through my bag, retrieving my book and notebook. Alice sank into the seat beside mine with a simple greeting. A noncommittal grunt got me a "well, aren't you a ray of sunshine on this already gloomy morning."

I looked to her apologetically and she pouted playfully, turning her head away from me in a dramatic fashion. "If you pout, that is just another cloud in the sky, my dear," I murmured.

"Says you, who puts ten in the sky," she shot back, a touch of a smile on her face. "So, I have tons of questions to ask you," she catapulted ahead. "I mean, you know Carlisle and Esme, so I want to know where and how you met them and how old you are and stuff."

I froze a little, staring at her cheerful expression. "Now is not the time nor the place, hun."

"Oh no, silly, not now." She shook her head, as if disappointed in my assumption that she was so indiscrete that she would be ready to talk right there. "I was thinking more along the lines of having a sleepover at one of our houses. It would be far more private."

I narrowed my eyes, trying to convey the different wary feelings and apprehensions. "Your house? I thought you said no one else knew about you knowing about me?" I hissed, as lightly as I could.

"Take a chill pill, darling. No one knows. It is not like anyone can read my mind. You know both Carlisle and Esme don't have any abilities like that. Edward might eventually guess, since he seems to be able to read people very well, but you have nothing to worry about."

I was still scowling, but huffed a response. "Well, you do realize that both Carlisle and Esme would be quite capable of hearing anything said within your house."

"Oh, fine, I guess it has to be at yours. If you are so against people knowing, I will have to comply."

I sighed, exasperated. "You realize you just invited yourself to my house, yes?" She nodded with a giggle. "And I am not going to be able to say no, am I?" She shook her head, a mischievous twinkle in her eye. I let my head drop, the image of defeat and was in that moment called upon by the teacher. "Bella, would you mind telling the class what derivative and integral of the function is?"

My head shot up, looking over the problem on the board. My brain quickly determined the appropriate answers for the function 2x+4. "The derivative is 2 and the integral is x squared plus 4x plus c."

Alice elbowed me in the side, although I think she regretted doing it, because although I barely felt it, she sure as hell did. "We are not supposed to know how to find integrals yet," she hissed under her breath.

I cursed silently, but looked to the teacher. "Very good, Ms. Swan. Could you explain to me how you knew how to find an integral?"

"I- I just, uh reversed the power rule, to find the antiderivative. I had heard that the integral was the opposite of the derivative of a function." The explanation was not completely accurate, seeing as I had read the entire book and knew more than just how to integrate in such a simplistic problem.

"Impressive. That is exactly the process you would use for finding the integral of such a function. But, Bella, how did you know to add c?"

_Shit. How do I bullshit my way out of this? _"Well, I, if there were a constant at the end of a function and it was differentiated, the constant would be ignored. So, going in the opposite direction, it should be assumed that there is a possibility that there is some constant at the end of the integrated form of the function. C could be any real number, even zero."

"Yes, again, very impressive. You clearly have a mind for math. Why did you use the letter c, if I may ask?"

It is the letter generally used when finding an integral, but I was not supposed to know that. "Um, well, 'a' is the variable that would be in place of the constant in front of the x squared and 'b' would be in front of the x, so I just used the next letter in the alphabet."

Why was this happening? I did not need people's eyes on me. "Your reasoning has no flaws. Have you taken calculus at any other point in time?" I shook my head. The teacher shrugged, but spent another moment eying me before returning to teaching the class.

"How did you- oh never mind, I don't even want to feel more horrible about how superior you are to us humans. I deal with enough with Carlisle and Esme." Alice was eying me with an awestruck look, although there _was_ a hint of appall. "It is a blessing and a curse," I responded, apathetically.

"Oh, sure, it is awful to be able to have multiply things running simultaneously through your mind and multitasking over physical things, all at an inhuman pace and with ease." I chuckled dryly. "It is not that simple. Anything that good comes with a price."

"Ooh, yes. I can just imagine your pain. You should tell me all about it when we talk." Alice was a fearless, madly curious human being. I was baffled by her relentless curiosity and complete disregard for the fact that I am a vampire. "So, back to you coming to my place…. for a sleepover. I have not said yes yet, regardless of whether you say you know what I will say."

She regarded me with a sidelong glance. One I could not seem to say no to. "Ugh, fine, but there will be things I will not share." She shrugged and we were shushed by the teacher. I placed my head in my hand, my elbow on the desk, supporting my weight. I used my free hand to scribble a message in my notebook, before I slid it over to Alice. _When are we doing this?_

_Tonight, s_he wrote back.


	6. Chapter 6

Tonight.

Even though the time between school and the time of this sleepover was significant, I could not help feeling it was too soon. I was, for once, not ready.

And then, why the fuck had I said yes? Why had I agreed to do this? Had I not just decided that I was going to _avoid_ the Cullens? How was this human girl able to convince me to stray of my chosen path?

I allowed a fraction of my attention to be given to the teachers of my classes while the rest of me was elsewhere. What _was_ I going to do? I mean, for one thing I don't even sleep, so essentially, I would get to watch her sleep once talking was over… _fun_. And then, I understood she had questions, but couldn't I answer them over "dinner"? Why did it have to be a _sleepover_? What was her intention? Was she trying to get close to me? Didn't she understand the danger?

The day finally fell into night, various inanimate objects having barely survived my grip or unrefined actions while I pondered what might happen later. I sat with Charlie in the living room, trying to ignore the screen that had annoying changing pictures playing over it. I had found that watching videos, although better than when video first came out, it was still difficult to put the pictures into a fluid animation. Apparently for humans it looks as though the images are moving, but I could see what was actually happening. And it was frustrating. Audio was fine, more on the mechanical side, but understandable.

Charlie would occasionally cheer about certain accomplishments by the team he favored or grumble about the mistakes or "the fucking refs". I was not very concerned about his hollering but was intrigued by the fact that his heart rate was so elevated just because of watching the screen. It was a curious occurrence and it distracted me enough that I was startled when a car pulled into the driveway. I stood, my eyes trained on the front door, but I could feel Charlie's eyes on me.

"You girls play safe, ya hear?" he mumbled and I took my eyes off of the door just long enough to flash him a questioning glance. At first I thought he was playing with the idea that this was a sexual encounter and that we should "play safe" as some of my research into modern terminology had described, although that would require male genitalia, of which neither of us possessed, but he shrugged. "No pillow fights or anything. I don't need you sending her through the wall." I snorted, rolling my eyes as I walked at a human pace to the door, opening it after a moment's hesitation, my eyes locking with Carlisle's immediately, despite him being by the car and Alice being right in front of me. I heard him say "get to know her" before he slid back into the driver's seat and drove away.

"Hey, Miss Oblivious, I asked you how you are doing." I tilted my head down to stare at Alice, a tad puzzled. "You did not," I accused, taken aback by the idea that I might have actually been so distracted to have missed her speak. "True, but it almost looked like I could scream in your ear and you would not notice. You were staring daggers into Carlisle. What is going on between you?" I shook my head, dismissing the question. She shrugged, stepping passed me into the house. "I will get it out of you," she assured me. I stopped breathing for the brief moment of her passing and closed the door.

Alice and Charlie had their distant greetings before we headed up to my room. She fell onto my bed, lying on her back, her arms straight out, perpendicular to her body and her legs bent over the edge of the bed. She sighed, her eyes closing, but then a faint smile played over her lips. She just lay there, her chest rising with each intake of breath and falling at each release. I stood at the door, not yet willing to enter the room, to start the night. "Bella," Alice's voice was soft, almost too soft for human ears, "are you afraid?"

My body tensed, an automatic reaction to the question that took me by such surprise. "Of what?" I pushed for clarification, not sure what it was I was about to answer. "No, just afraid. Could be of anything."

"No." I spoke with hints of discomfort tingeing my voice, but there was also conviction, a need to convince her, and myself, that I was right. "See," she returned, a softness to her words that had unwarranted comforting affects, "I think you are afraid, of me, of Carlisle, of humans, of connection, of dropping roots. Can you really deny that?

"Well," I tried to put in, but she was determined to get her whole question out.

"I see your indecision and it all revolves around whether or not to stay in Forks, and whether or not to get close to me and my family. Do we scare you so much?"

"I think you are messing with the data here. I have no reason to fear you or your family. I am older than Carlisle by a significant amount. You are merely human and subsequently, the least threatening thing in my life." Even as I said this, I knew it wasn't the truth, or not wholly, anyway. That vulnerability thing? Yeah, she and her family were like a deathtrap in the world of emotional vulnerability. And what was it I was feeling towards all that?

That's right – Fear.

And then, while knowing it wasn't true, there was this tickle at the back of my brain, urging me to tell her exactly what I feared, to let her know why I could not settle. Maybe if she knew, she would stop pushing so hard and wake up to the fact that I was dangerous.

"Bella, I don't need my visions to see you struggling with indecision. Look at yourself – you have been standing there for ages, your brow bunching and your eyes unblinking." I forced myself to blink as I looked into her eyes, the concern she showed driving pins into my dead heart. "Just what do you have to fear?"

That wall I put up, that was holding back the flood crumbled. "Loss, alright! Every time I settle, every time I get close to a coven, begin to care about people, my past catches up with me. My past, or rather the people in it, have a desire to make me miserable. She kills everyone and I am helpless to stop her." Venom was welling up in my mouth as I gushed. My whole being seemed to be a torrent of emotional turmoil that had been confined, but now was free to run rampant. I stood entirely rigid, all motor function shut down.

Alice, who once again clearly did not get the gist of me being dangerous, moved closer, the palms of her hands coming to rest on my cheeks, while her fingers wrapped around, behind my neck. I could feel her efforts to force my face toward hers and although she could not move me, somehow I had enough sense to oblige. Her eyes took mine in, trapping them, holding them steadily.

"Who is she, Bella?" I blinked again, confused. "_She!_ You condensed everything from your "past" down to "she". Who is she?"

I had just been jabbering, gushing. Had I really said that much? "She's- no, it's nothing. Nobody. She's nobody." Oh yes, that was convincing.

"Bella, you said _she_ kills everyone. _She_ can't be nobody." Her thumbs started to rub circles over my temples, soothing my nerves, but bringing my attention to how close she really was. "You can tell me. It is alright to be scared – that's why you have friends. And family! They are always there for you, to help you get through those moments when you are too scared to think."

For some reason, that moment brought back memories of how my heart used to skip a beat when I was flustered. That feeling of my chest squeezing and my face heating up. And how I used to never be able to form words because my brain shut down, overloaded.

It hit me like a slap to the face, granted I was not a vampire and the one hitting me was. I had already become attached, like what those silly novelists write about love at first sight. By even considering the idea of being a part of Carlisle's family, I had allowed the seed to be planted and now it was too late. This tree was already growing. And she was the seed, the one I dropped into the soil by accident. She pulled me in, made me want to stay. Fuck, of all the people I had been with, all the covens I had joined, I had never found my fated "soul mate", so how could this human be the one drawing me in, making me throw down ties even while knowing the danger.

But she is human – how could she possibly be my soul mate or whatever? I mean, I have slept with girls before, for fun, for something different, but I have never been really attracted to them. Well, no that I think about it, I have never really been attracted to anyone since my years as a human. Not entirely, anyway.

Alice is so close, her breath tickling my neck and I am totally captivated by her watery blue eyes. Such a great contrast to her hair, they pop, shimmering up at me. Her skin looks so soft, silky and flawless. I just want to touch it, to feel her warmth beneath my fingers. And her aroma, the scent of her is breathtaking, flooring. I want to be closer to her, to drink in her scent, to let it send me into a high.

"Bella," oh her voice, her harmonic, bell like voice, that I wish I could place on my Ipod thingy and put on repeat, just have her keep saying my name. "Please, move, say something, do something. C'mon." A different flavor is added to the air I breathe in – anxiety, she is unsettled, and I can smell it on her. It is strangely appetizing, appealing to the hunter in me, the animal. I lose all knowledge of where I am, what we are doing, it is just me and her, standing close together, her living body radiating fear pheromones and there, yes, her heartbeat was elevated and driving my head crazy.

"Bella!" Snap! Back to reality and I realized just how close I was to going over the edge. My hand slammed, a little harder than I meant, into her chest, giving her a little lift, sending her flying through the air and thankfully landing on my bed. One more breath and I would have, well, I don't know what I would have done. Would I have bitten her, after having avoided human blood for centuries? Shit!

"Bella," I hear Alice choke out from the bed. She is staring at me so intently, but there is hesitance in her eyes, muddying the pretty blue. She did not know whether to approach me.

"Alice, I know you say you are aware of the outcomes of your decisions and perhaps mine, but decisions are not made when instinct takes over. You cannot make this a casual thing; you cannot randomly get close to me. You asked me before if you smell good, taste good – well, you do, more than you can imagine. I cannot even fathom how Carlisle and Esme live with you. And I mean that in the best of ways, but," a growl escaped from deep within my gut, resonating in my chest, causing my whole being to vibrate. "I do not know how long I can keep myself from attacking you if you keep standing so damn close.

"Please, be careful, put in the same effort I put in to keep you safe." My words, or perhaps just the fact that I spoke, seemed to soothe her nerves. Not entirely, but she seemed to relax.

She was back to being in control of the room. "Bella, I don't want to be careful. Can't a girl live on the edge some times?" A glare was all she received in response. "Oh, come on, you can't live life always watching out for all the bad that _could_ happen." She sighed, maneuvering herself into a sitting position. "Look, I don't know why, but I feel like I am being pulled towards you, like you're the magnet that attracts my very being. I have this sense, and let me tell you I am rarely wrong about these things," she says with a grin, "that you and I are meant to be close. I mean, the moment I saw you, I just _knew_ we had to be friends."

Okay, I could not help but laugh. Here I am, in a panic cause I am terrified that I might be attracted to this girl alone, and she "just _knows_ we are going to be friends". So basically, she is going to make every effort to make my keeping my head out of the gutter a whole lot harder than I need it to be. Although, my gutter and the gutter of which most would refer is a little different, since mine is more of a "how do I make her my eternal soul mate", biting fantasy, with lust being an side dish, where most of you are a lustful entrée type of gutter.

She scowls at me, perhaps slightly offended by a misinterpreted laugh, which now that I think about it, sounded like I was laughing at her power of _knowing_. No, see, what she did not get was that, if we were going to be close, I, Bella Swann, do nothing half assed. If I were going to be a part of her life, there was no way I would settle for just being a friend, not if she was truly my soul mate.

"oh, sorry, I was just-" I could not come up with a fitting lie and just let the excuse hang in the air. Finally, "It's just, you were really cute there, trying to sound all tough and on the edge." A grin tugged at my lips and I found that a pillow was flying my way, which of course I caught with ease.

"Gah, that's not fair! How am I supposed to express my frustration when I can't actually hit you with the pillow?" Now she had me laughing even harder, especially because Charlie had warned against pillow fights earlier. When I looked at her again, she was smiling warmly. "There you go. I finally got you to loosen up." I gawped at her for a few moments, totally thrown by the idea that she might have played me in that moment, but then we were both laughing together, care being thrown to the wind. It felt good, that moment of release, where I finally used those almost forgotten laughing muscles, my mind abuzz only with how easy the motion was. It was always so easy to laugh, once you got into it and I had avoided anything that might allow it for so long.

Just as I was beginning to feel alive, my nose picked up an unfamiliar scent, one that was definitely not human. No, it was not just one – it was three, all not human. And they were getting mighty close, probably having caught my scent. Fuck. But that is my life for you. They weren't anyone I knew, but I was not going to take chances. Jane had people everywhere, ready to report my whereabouts.

The abrupt halt in my laughing and sudden turn towards the window had Alice saying my name again, anxious again. I may be old, but three vampires against myself is not a gamble I was willing to take, not if I was going to protect Alice and Charlie. I could run, but there is the possibility of them not following and focusing only on human targets. _Shit!_ I needed help – I needed Carlisle. I did not have time to hesitate; they were moving quickly, following my scent right to me.

We needed to move. In a flash, I was scooping Alice's tiny body up into my arms and then not a second later I was downstairs, standing beside Charlie's couch, cringing as Alice vomited on the floor, while still in my arms. Charlie bellowed when he noticed me, and the vomit, startled by our abrupt entrance. "Bella-"

"Get in the car, now." He was up on his feet, just as I had trained him, knowing to do exactly as I instructed. Alice began to sputter and mumble, but then went limp, just as she had when I witnessed her have her vision. Well, at least for that moment she would not need to be herded. I zipped out to Charlie's cruiser, carefully placing her in the back. Charlie soon followed at a human run, hopping into the passenger seat, knowing full well that there was no way I was not driving.

The car was started before he even had his seatbelt on and I was pulling it out of his drive. I got the car going a max speed most of the way, my focus split between the road, the whereabouts of this new threat, and coming up with the most suitable plan for keeping my vampirism a secret from the rest of Alice's human family. Well, I came up with nothing on that end, but it seemed the new arrivals were headed to the house first.

I heard Alice gasp in the back seat and sit up. "Bella, Bella! He- He is horrifying!" She was breathing heavily and her heart rate was through the roof.

"Alice, you need to calm down. Relax. I am here and nothing will happen to you with me here. Just relax." She whimpered and I so wished I was in the back seat so that I could hold her and protect her. Be close to her, smell her- _Shit! Thoughts, get your asses back in line!_

The tires squealed as I pulled into Carlisle's drive. The group had not even reached the house when they started to change direction. They had caught us faster than I had expected. Perhaps they had a tracker among them, in which case, I was liking this all far less. Carlisle and Esme met us out in the driveway, concern plastered over their faces.

I carried Alice, who seemed too queasy to walk on her own still, while Charlie ran for the house. "There is a group in town. They followed my scent," I explained quickly. "It was too dangerous for me to protect Alice and Charlie alone, if they are hostile, which is pretty likely. It also seems they have a tracker among them."

Carlisle walked close to my side, eying Alice. "She's fine," I informed him. "Just not used to moving as fast as I moved. I forgot to hold back in the moment." Alice huffed, but clutched my neck firmly.

"You could have given me a heads up," she stated. "God, I made a mess of your floor, didn't I?"

I chuckled. "That is the least of my worries," I assured. To Carlisle I said, "Whoever they are, I will meet them away from here. If things get violent, I would have a much easier time without having to babysit humans."

He nodded, a thoughtful expression on his face. "I will go with you." I glared at him, but then he said, "this is my home and I will meet the people who threaten my family. Esme can look after everyone." Esme backed up Carlisle's statement by taking Alice from me and leading Charlie to the kitchen.

"Fine, you'll come with."


End file.
